There once was a boy. And he was a good boy.

He grew up eating corn flakes and granulated sugar. He loved his ketchup and he did what was right.

  • He went to school and achieved good grades.
  • He was nice to people and obeyed authority.
  • He rarely broke the rules. And if he did, he immediately shamed and blamed himself before others could.

As this boy grew – his body formed into that of a man. And the boy left school, went to college, and found a good job.

He was a good boy. He did what he was ‘supposed’ to do. The boy married before he was 30 years old. He found jobs with salaries & benefits that he thought would make his mom proud. As he pursued the ‘goals’ of being good – he subdued the spirit energy that bounced within him. He found alcohol and cannabis to do this well. While never allowing substances to distract him from being good – he certainly imbibed regularly to ensure the growing restlessness within him would remain at bay while he pursued ‘good.’

When his wife bore children, he left more of his passions aside to work hard, feed his kids, and save for retirement. He played the game even as he was frustrated for the game did not move fast enough. He struggled to earn enough money to cover month to month costs. Yet, he did it. With some help from those who supported his ‘good’ efforts, he paid off student loans, credit card debts, and he lived barely covering costs while saving a few dollars per month for a good retirement. This all met his definition of being good.

Yet under the surface within the boy, was a spirit that was getting very tired of being ignored. In order for the boy to play the ‘good’ boy, he had to repress his spirit so he would ensure he fit the mold that was being designed for him. He could not allow his spirit to shine, for when it did, he would get into trouble.

Every now and then, the boy’s spirit would break the surface and catalyze the boy into doing crazy things. He left really ‘good’ jobs – jobs he could retire in. He went bankrupt chasing a spirited frenzy of entrepreneurship dreams.┬áIt seemed that whenever the boy became comfortable – having anchored the ‘good’ life of a job with benefits, comfortable home, pretty wife – his spirit would rise up and attempt to break everything apart. He felt bad thinking somehow he was sabotaging his success. He continued to shame and blame himself before others could.

The boy anxiously and adamantly tried to subdue this spirit, and now a growing shame and blame, with distractions of food, cannabis, alcohol, television, social media, and yet the spirit would creep in and tear shit apart.

Over the years, as the boy’s body aged and his kids grew – playing the ‘good’ role became less and less real. In being good, the boy lost desire for his wife. He remained attentive to being a ‘good’ father and in doing so he continued to give up his own passionate pursuits. One common phrase of the boy was “benevolence before….” And he’d fill in the blank with anything he wanted to do.

“Benevolence before skiing.”

“Benevolence before (having any fun or adventure).”

The saying was a great way to remain ‘good’ and the boy’s ego was VERY great at righteousness. The boy felt righteous being ‘good.’ In a last ditch attempt to hold onto being ‘good’ he even became righteous and held the perfect job for doing so. A job with benefits, a nice salary, and an opportunity to be righteous.

Shortly thereafter, the boy’s spirit vomited. After being repressed for years, the boy’s spirit had had enough. And spirit began to disrupt the boys good life.

Spirit rumbled the relationship the boy enjoyed most. Even though the boy’s wife and he had grown distant from each other, he stilled valued this relationship deeply. Spirit, being the gorgeous asshole it can be sometimes, began to break away at this coveted relationship.

With growing tension in the boy’s most coveted relationship, the boy left the righteous job. He had a few last ditch efforts to remain righteous and hold onto what was good. However, spirit had a powerful plan for him and as he held on, spirit broke his world. The boy found himself in a place where surrendering was the only option.

As spirit would have it – this is when spirit began to lead.

The boy’s career broke. And the boy’s relationship broke to the very edges. And at the final moment for him and his wife – the boy surrendered even more. Again spirit began to lead – as it naturally does.

Little by little, the boy found ways to heal himself. As spirit lead the way, gifts wrapped in challenge, were brought to the boy. And the boy healed. More and more, the boy continued to heal as new challenges were brought to him. He would unwrap them and see beautiful gifts.

No longer was he the good boy. He realized that he could no longer fit the mold of ‘good.’ No longer could the boy remain righteous – he had no right.

And still he found ways to heal. The boy learned to forgive himself and to accept himself.

And one day, while on his knees in tears and shakes – in surrender like he’s never felt before – he found self love. Spirit had woken within him and helped to heal the boy.

Heal the boy and the man will show.

Today the boy no longer leads. No longer is there an effort to be good. The boy is put to rest. He is healed and loved and accepted unconditionally for who he is. The boy sleeps in comfort.

Spirit brought forth the man. And the man continues to write the rest of the story with a passion, bond, and zest for life the boy could only imagine.

~in surrender